"Hi! Congratulations on looking at the weaselstomp page. Today we are learning how to defend ourselves against a man wielding fresh fruit. Today we are learning about what to do if you feel you are being stalked by a man with peaches."
  "We already learned that."
  "O.K. What about....pomegrantes?"
  "We learned that too."
  "Are you sure?"
  "Yes."
  "O.K.....What about grapefruit?"
  "Learned that too. But can we learn about pointed sticks?"
  "Pointed Sticks? Ho, Ho, Ho."
  "Can we?"
  "No. What about Bananas?"
  "We haven't learned that yet."
  "O.K. (Finally)How to defend yourself against a man wielding bananas.
If you suspect you are being stalked by a man wielding a banana...Mr. 

Tomakinks, stand up and pretend you are wielding a banana."

  "O.K. But it's Mr. Thompkins."
  "Whatever. If you suspect you are being stalked, you turn around and 

shoot him."

  BANG!!!
  "You shot Mr. Thompkins!!!"
  "And then you eat the banana. Now he is dead and defenseless."
  "You killed him!!!"
  "Oh well. Now we're going to learn how to defend yourself against a 

man wielding raspberries. Will you stand up?"

  "No guns?"
  "No guns."
  "No pointed sticks?"
  "No."
  "Weapons of any kind?"
  "Nope."
  "O.K."
  "If you suspect you are being stalked by a man wielding raspberries, 

then you release the tigers! They will conveniently eat both the stalker and the raspberries."